The gift-giving rule

I've never liked it when someone asks me what I want for Christmas because I feel it will ruin the surprise. I like that a gift means someone went out thinking of you and wanting to make you happy - THAT's the gift. I feel the same as the shopper of the gift. Its a visit with the person in your mind as you think about them - their likes, hobbies, activities - and then come up with ideas.


Recently, I read a paragraph that described the "gift-giving rule" so perfectly when one character suggested to another that "If you buy me a record for Christmas, I'll buy you a book."

"It (the proposition) broke the rules of exchange, innate and unspoken, that governed gift-giving in our family. A gift is not a gift if the giver knows, before giving it, that it is exactly what the person who will receive it has wanted all along. That is another transaction. That is a purchase, not a present. A gift is a gift if you search for it, ponder over it, pick it up, put it down, pick it up again, and walk around with it while, weighing it against the other gifts that are wrangling for your regard.

A gift is a gift if you choose it finally, wrap it with one last gust of uncertianty, and give it away. That is a gift,. An item, inanimate, that reeks with intention and puts us at risk. And that is why gifts are dangerous and difficult and cause such distress."

- Pg. 176, The Tender Land by Kathleen  Finneran 

I can think of lots of other reasons too that gift giving causes distress, such as finding parking at the mall, but I love the sentiment of this "rule."